Let’s just be honest – being a caregiver sucks.
Well, that’s how I started a blog that was to post Nov. 12. However, on Nov.7, my BFF passed away from complications of liver disease. Needless to say, I would much rather be a caregiver than a widow. I’ll leave part of my original blog, but I will modify it.
Being a caregiver takes so much energy. To help me with energy, I try to get in bed by 10:00 p.m. Of course, that rarely happens, so I take Vitamin B and B-12. Grocery shopping and picking up medicines seems like a daily “to-do.” Deciding on what’s for dinner and then making it is stressful. Doctor appointments are time consuming, so I take my laptop or a book to read and try to make use of the wait time. And there is always Facebook to catch up on, of course!
For Allen’s energy conservation, he needed to combine trips from one end of the house to the other. For example, he would take the empty plate to the kitchen while getting more tea. Since taking a shower uses a great deal of energy, it was suggested that he take showers at night instead of in the morning.
To conserve household energy, we enrolled in average billing for our electric and gas bills. Since Allen was home all day, the lights & TV were on just about 24/7. He learned to sleep whether it was dark or very bright! We also changed our light bulbs to the energy-efficient ones.
How do you help someone you love feel useful when they feel anything but? Try to involve them in anything you do. Encourage your loved one as much as you can on a daily basis. A strong support system of family, friends and awesome coworkers helped me (us) get through the struggles.
I recall a dear friend once made a statement about her husband, “I am blessed to have him here, even with the little irritations, as opposed to not having him here at all.” Something to ponder! Now, more than ever, that statement holds so very true. Be sure to tell your family and friends how much you love them and how special they are to you!
I’d love to hear your stories about being a caregiver and ways to conserve energy too!
Tina – so sorry for your loss! Thanks for being brave enough to share your story on the highs and lows of being a caregiver. I have a close family member who is struggling with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and as a result it limits her mobility and motor skills such as speaking and writing. The struggle in this case is that at such a young age (33) they often struggle with the fact that they can no longer do everything they could do just a year ago this time, including work. What we have to work on as a family is the struggle of the balance between helping her to continue on with life while at the same time making sure it is done within reason. This is important because stress on a person with MS is a lot more detrimental than on those of us without. The other thing we have learned is to make sure that our family member keeps up with eating and exercise. Again things no one should neglect but definitely one who is dealing with MS. Thanks again for such a great write up and my prayers go out to you and your family on this next phase of your life’s journey.
Thank you for sharing your comments too Grace! I know someone who has extreme situations with their MS also. It’s a very tough day-to-day life for them and their family. Thank you for the prayers!! Every day is a struggle, but I look forward to the next phase to see where God is going to take our family.
Tina,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! I am a caregiver to my fiance, who I think you know, Justin Ozuna. I am so very sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers. I can’t imagine the wide array of emotions going through your mind right now – struggling for so long with your best friend and then losing them. On one hand they are not suffering any longer, but on the other you would give anything to have them back.
As a caregiver I’ve learned to advocate for myself in addition to Justin. Sometimes I need “me” time, sometimes I need Justin to be sensitive to my struggles with his cancer, and most times I need him to be open with me so I can help him. It seems like a never ending struggle of differing emotions that weigh on my mind (guilt being number 1), but as you said, I would rather all this than not having him here at all. We are very blessed to have such an appreciation for each other so early in our relationship.
I am keeping your family in my prayers! Thank you again Tina.
Yes, Katie, I know Justin. He is very fortunate and blessed to have you standing by him and going through this with him. You must be a very special lady to continue the relationship without already being married. Lots of people leave when the tough times arise, even WITH the commitment. But, we are all going to have struggles, and it’s great to have your BFF to endure with you! I understand the guilt & range of emotions. Thank you so much for your comments & prayers! Prayers back to you & Justin too!
Hi Tina,
Thank you for sharing your story. I am truly sorry for your loss and you are in my prayers. I have always said it takes very special people to be caregivers and you are one of those SPECIAL people. God bless you Tina and again, thanks for sharing.
India, I appreciate your sweet comments! Thank you!!
I am so sorry for your loss, Tina. I wish all of God’s blessings for you and your family. Friends and family are definitely His way of lifting you up and keeping you strong.
I agree with you on the importance of helping loved ones feel important and in control to the degree that they are able. Above all, show love and patience, and strive to help them maintain their independence.
My father, at age 89, is still mostly independent. As a family, we offer our help wherever we can, but try not to “take away” any tasks that he can still handle on his own. Unless an illness puts him out of commission, he is still able to drive to his own doctor appts, shop, and cook and do light housekeeping for himself. Luckily we all live on the same property, just steps from each other, so we can help him take in groceries or deal with minor dilemmas that might arise.
Keep strong. You and your family are in my prayers.
Tina, my father-in-law is upper 80′s and is independent also. The “take away” items really hurt when you have to do that. Unfortunately, I had to restrict Allen from cooking and driving several months before he passed. Medicines & illnesses take so much away from life. Thank you for your comments & prayers!